​I don’t want to be asleep. I want to see the importance of nurturing the Spirit always. God, don’t let me get caught up in the hustle and bustle, the strict detailings of the world. I don’t want it. The world unseen has so many more treasures. Unseen treasures. Treasures that enrich our minds, our souls, our connection with others, the essence of our lives. Not so much the physical. The physical can be included, but it is not the sole beneficiary to a spiritual life. The physical is the thing that benefits from a life of work and toil and striving for material things.
 
How can the striving for physical pleasure bring anything but physical pleasure? I want more than that. I want spiritual and emotional wholeness. Can I receive that through striving for material things? No. The lesson in the striving for material things is that once we get what we thought we wanted, we always want more.
 
But if I strive for spiritual riches, I am satiated. If I want for more, I get closer to Spirit, and Spirit fills me even more. I then have abundance, I feel abundance. I can share in this abundance by giving to others unselfishly, knowing that I will never run out of spiritual riches. As long as I stay connected to Spirit, the flow of abundance is unceasing and endless. I am then a channel, a vessel, a transmitter to share this abundance with others.
 
Material riches run out. I give and give, and if I’m only giving from my own ego and supply, I will run out. But if I give, even material riches, and accept that it is Spirit who is making the supply possible, then I take my ego out of the equation, and anyone who is blessed spiritually or materially at that point knows that it is Spirit who gives, not me. In this way, the supply will never run out. There is always more to give. 

I proposed that it is, and that all of us as part of the Universe, that it all is expanding and growing for the good. His response is that it all just is. It doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s for the good.

I suggested that the giraffe might stretch his neck to reach the leaves on the tree that taste better, so the next generation of giraffes has longer necks. It is all evolving for the better. His response was it might be better for the giraffes, but what about the poor tree? It’s all a matter of perspective.
 
So I responded, “Are you suggesting that instead of the Universe growing and expanding and vibrating for the better, that the Universe is trying to stay in balance, remain in homeostasis?” We talked Jesus and Christianity and good and evil. We talked about how God allows Satan to exist. That Good allows the Bad. Both are necessary. 
 
So I said, “Maybe that is it!” Maybe I have been programmed by society and my Christian background to believe that Good will always overcome, that all things are for good. Maybe that is just programming. Maybe that is why I see the Universe vibrating, striving for a higher level of good. Maybe the Universe really is just trying to always balance itself. Good and bad, joy and pain, laughter and tears, black and white. It is all just a series of paradox and balances.”
 
He suggested the Universe is like a butter churner. The energy shifts and changes and makes things different. It is all the same energy. Maybe it’s just constantly expressing itself in different ways, dying and then living again.
 
We talked about perspective again and how it’s like a camera lens. We can focus in on something and get a real close look at it, or we back up the focus and see the whole picture. It’s all the same picture.
 
I suggested our oneness and how we are all one spirit, part of the same Universe. He suggested we could be. Or we could be separate, and that’s what makes it possible for us to even have a conversation of different ideas. Otherwise, we’d share the same mind. I thought, maybe the only thing that keeps us separate is time. Without time – past or future – everything is just now, and we are all already one. Maybe I need him to discuss things with me from a different perspective to fill in missing pieces, and he needs me to do the same, and one day, we do share the same mind. We’re just not there yet.
 
Then it all came together for me! He believes in a Universe that is already perfect, striving to keep balance. I believe in a Universe striving to attain growth and evolution and to be better. What if I have my camera lens up close? I am focusing on the becoming, while he has his lens drawn back, already focusing on the bigger picture - the picture of the Universe having already become. Already perfect within itself, a constant pendulum of good and bad and never-ending paradox that creates and achieves perfect a harmony of balance.
 
What a realization! It is ok. It always will be ok. We are already at the finish line. The Universe is already perfect in it’s imperfection. There is always balance. We need the good with the bad, the space and the mass, the death and the life. We need all of it to have balance.
 
 
 

Calm down. There is no need to worry yourself. Take a few breaths. Be at peace. You have moved on from  the dagger' blade. The wound now just needs to heal. Believe in yourself. Things are working themselves out. It takes time. Be patient. He wants to be here with you. Don’t protect everyone else at the expense of your inner peace. Your needs are important too. Look at you! Look at who you have become. That’s just it. Becoming. It is always a learning process. Things take time. Don’t be in such a hurry. Remember that the learning process brings joy too. Hardships. And joy. It will all work out. You know that. It’s the unknowing that causes anxiety. Try to remain at peace, knowing the Universe has it all under control. Whatever happens, it is exactly as it’s supposed to happen. Endure the discomfort. Suffer through it. It will be worth it at the other end. It always is. You already know that.