While seeing this girl during my meditation, I was filled with love and compassion for her. I realized how fragile she was, and all the while she had tried to be so strong and brave, trying to convince herself that she couldn't feel the pain. My heart broke, and I cried and cried. I wrapped my arms around myself and told that broken teenager that I was so, so sorry. I told her that it's done; no longer will I neglect myself and my needs. No longer will I treat myself or LET myself be treated badly. I told her I will take care of her now. I will no longer settle for 'less than'.

***

I urge you, if you have never done a healing meditation for your inner child, to set aside some time to do it. It is one of the most cleansing, restorative, loving things you can do for yourself. I talk about how to do this in my new book. If you need additional help with it, contact me. Lots of love, friends!

​​Where are you hurting today? What is the Universe trying to teach you? If you learn the lesson THIS time, there won't have to be a NEXT time.

​

The path is long. There are ups and downs and curves, but keep moving on it. It will lead you where it is supposed to lead you. You will see great things along the way. There is no destination, only the path. Believe that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, and keep moving forward.

Help others along the way. Your paths will collide at points. Your paths will merge and run alongside each other. Help others stay on their paths too. All of you must keep moving forward. That is the nature of this world, of this time. Keep moving. It has all been accomplished already and is perfect. Trust that. You just walk. That is your job. Keep walking.

​I don’t want to be asleep. I want to see the importance of nurturing the Spirit always. God, don’t let me get caught up in the hustle and bustle, the strict detailings of the world. I don’t want it. The world unseen has so many more treasures. Unseen treasures. Treasures that enrich our minds, our souls, our connection with others, the essence of our lives. Not so much the physical. The physical can be included, but it is not the sole beneficiary to a spiritual life. The physical is the thing that benefits from a life of work and toil and striving for material things.
 
How can the striving for physical pleasure bring anything but physical pleasure? I want more than that. I want spiritual and emotional wholeness. Can I receive that through striving for material things? No. The lesson in the striving for material things is that once we get what we thought we wanted, we always want more.
 
But if I strive for spiritual riches, I am satiated. If I want for more, I get closer to Spirit, and Spirit fills me even more. I then have abundance, I feel abundance. I can share in this abundance by giving to others unselfishly, knowing that I will never run out of spiritual riches. As long as I stay connected to Spirit, the flow of abundance is unceasing and endless. I am then a channel, a vessel, a transmitter to share this abundance with others.
 
Material riches run out. I give and give, and if I’m only giving from my own ego and supply, I will run out. But if I give, even material riches, and accept that it is Spirit who is making the supply possible, then I take my ego out of the equation, and anyone who is blessed spiritually or materially at that point knows that it is Spirit who gives, not me. In this way, the supply will never run out. There is always more to give. 

I proposed that it is, and that all of us as part of the Universe, that it all is expanding and growing for the good. His response is that it all just is. It doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s for the good.

I suggested that the giraffe might stretch his neck to reach the leaves on the tree that taste better, so the next generation of giraffes has longer necks. It is all evolving for the better. His response was it might be better for the giraffes, but what about the poor tree? It’s all a matter of perspective.
 
So I responded, “Are you suggesting that instead of the Universe growing and expanding and vibrating for the better, that the Universe is trying to stay in balance, remain in homeostasis?” We talked Jesus and Christianity and good and evil. We talked about how God allows Satan to exist. That Good allows the Bad. Both are necessary. 
 
So I said, “Maybe that is it!” Maybe I have been programmed by society and my Christian background to believe that Good will always overcome, that all things are for good. Maybe that is just programming. Maybe that is why I see the Universe vibrating, striving for a higher level of good. Maybe the Universe really is just trying to always balance itself. Good and bad, joy and pain, laughter and tears, black and white. It is all just a series of paradox and balances.”
 
He suggested the Universe is like a butter churner. The energy shifts and changes and makes things different. It is all the same energy. Maybe it’s just constantly expressing itself in different ways, dying and then living again.
 
We talked about perspective again and how it’s like a camera lens. We can focus in on something and get a real close look at it, or we back up the focus and see the whole picture. It’s all the same picture.
 
I suggested our oneness and how we are all one spirit, part of the same Universe. He suggested we could be. Or we could be separate, and that’s what makes it possible for us to even have a conversation of different ideas. Otherwise, we’d share the same mind. I thought, maybe the only thing that keeps us separate is time. Without time – past or future – everything is just now, and we are all already one. Maybe I need him to discuss things with me from a different perspective to fill in missing pieces, and he needs me to do the same, and one day, we do share the same mind. We’re just not there yet.
 
Then it all came together for me! He believes in a Universe that is already perfect, striving to keep balance. I believe in a Universe striving to attain growth and evolution and to be better. What if I have my camera lens up close? I am focusing on the becoming, while he has his lens drawn back, already focusing on the bigger picture - the picture of the Universe having already become. Already perfect within itself, a constant pendulum of good and bad and never-ending paradox that creates and achieves perfect a harmony of balance.
 
What a realization! It is ok. It always will be ok. We are already at the finish line. The Universe is already perfect in it’s imperfection. There is always balance. We need the good with the bad, the space and the mass, the death and the life. We need all of it to have balance.
 
 
 

The Serenity Prayer says "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I CANNOT change, the courage to change the things I CAN, and the wisdom to know the difference." I was thinking about how many things we have the power to change. I cannot change other people. Sometimes I can't change certain situations. Those things I must accept.

But MY life, my behavior, my perspective, my financial situation, the people I hang out with, my education, work, the way I relate to people, my hopes and dreams??? I CAN change all those things. And if I ask my higher power for the courage to change the things I CAN, then imagine what kind of power comes into play! Not only can I make these changes, but I have all the Universe behind me. We are incredibly powerful!

I know that all things that come to me are meant for me. I will continue to pray for knowledge of my higher power's will for my life. As long as I continue to pray for a revelation of my destiny, INSTEAD of specific outcomes, then I can trust I'm on the right path.

He says to focus on the space, the in-between. THAT is where Being is. He says that sound is born from silence and dies into silence, and while it is alive, it is surrounded by silence. It would not exist without silence. The SILENCE. THAT is Being.

It got me excited to meditate on that concept, focusing on the space, on the non-thought, the emptiness, the silence, the in-between. That is where I'll find the Infinite.

1) eat clean and exercise to ensure my antenna is healthy and in peak condition to work to the best of its ability, and 2) get myself into a quiet place on a regular basis where I can “hear” the messages being delivered.

When I eat foods that are wrong for my body, they cloud my brain, make me tired, and “dull” my reception abilities. For example, I am allergic to gluten. If I eat gluten, my body responds with digestive complications. My mind responds with extreme fatigue and “fogginess” that prevents me from thinking or speaking clearly. My senses are not as sharp. That is also my response to high-sugar foods. If I eat clean, meaning high amounts of plant-based foods in their natural state, my body runs more efficiently, and my mind is fueled with clean-burning, high-mineral, bio-based foods. My body-mind, my antenna, is properly cared for and running at top performance level.
 
If I am constantly surrounded by environmental noise, I will not be able to hear or understand the messages my antenna is receiving. Environmental noise can include literal noise, commotion, and external stimulus. It can also mean internal noise, including rapid or worried thought patterns, negative self-talk, excessive regret or remorse, or debilitating anxiety over future events. When I learn to calm my mind with meditation, I am practicing being in a quiet state where I am able to hear messages that are being given to me.
 
We not only have the ability, but we are the tool itself that can pick up and decipher key messages from the Universe that, if we listen, can guide us to a happier, more fulfilling life.

So instead of goals, I wrote a list of the many lessons I have been blessed to learn over the last year.  There were great times and difficult times, but I wouldn't trade any of it. Each moment taught me something unique and vital to my journey. Here is my list:

1. I became 100% sure that I didn’t want to be married to my husband and filed for divorce. No regrets.
2. I realized that I could make it on my own – financially, emotionally, and physically.
3. I became a stronger version of myself. I learned who I am, who I want to be, who I was, and who I don’t want to be anymore.
4. I learned who my true friends are.
5. I fell in love, or thought I did, then realized the incredible pain and heartache of not being loved in return.
6. I learned that pain, no matter how great, is temporary.
7. I learned what I want in love, in a man, in a relationship.
8. I found out that I don’t have to be anyone else but 100% myself. I like myself. A lot. And people like me too.
9. I learned that I don’t have to please everyone, and that it’s okay if people don’t like me. I don’t need to have everyone else’s approval. I can just be me, and those who are meant to be with me will stay.
10. I found a new romantic relationship with someone that I can be 100% myself with, and feel even more like myself when I’m around him.
11. I learned that love is a series of decisions and choices. That I can choose to love someone and give myself to him by choice. I don’t have to lose myself to someone. I can be fully me and also love fully.
12. I saw my higher self in a meditation, and she comes to meet me whenever I call for her. She’s wise and calm and sophisticated and elegant and happy. She has a positive light and always a content smile on her face, like she knows all the secrets of the universe but is perfectly happy to sit in quiet solitude appreciating the tiny hairs of a caterpillar.
13. I was reawakened to the idea of writing for me, not for anyone else. I have a book in progress that I feel good about. I feel like it will help people.
14. I became happy, content, serene. And I’ve learned how to be comfortable there, enjoying it instead of  waiting for the next crisis.
15. I became really good friends with my daughter and appreciate her at a new level.
16. I lowered my medication, started eating better, and became healthier overall.
17. I learned that life keeps getting better. I keep learning. There’s so much more. It will never end, and I don’t want it to. What an amazing adventure I am on. God has empowered me to become this person that I never thought I was capable of being. I’m more than I ever thought I was, ever thought I could be. God has amazing things in store for me – more lessons, more love, more pain, and more happiness.
18. I’ve learned that there is a wide pendulum of emotion, and it can’t fully swing into the best happiness without fully swinging into the darkest sadness too. But if I’m experiencing the wide swing of the pendulum in all of its best and worst moments, that means I’m ALIVE, that I’m capable of feeling. And that by itself is such an incredibly beautiful gift.

 
What an amazing year! How can it get better than that!?! I’m looking forward to what adventures lie ahead for me in 2016. I’ll write my goals for the year in a bit, but not now. Right now, I’m basking in the bliss of having experienced, having loved, having learned, having lived!