To exacerbate my lack of faith, in 2012, my 18-year-old niece was struck by a car and died. I didn’t understand it. It was then that I started to believe life was a series of random events loosely strung together by the weak power of my own will. Nothing happened for any reason I could see. Things just happened. Some people had luck. Some people didn’t.
It’s really scary to believe that way. I was riddled with fear and anxiety. If you live your life thinking bad things can happen to you or your loved ones at any time without rhyme or reason, and that everything around you is just one giant toss of the coin, that means none of this matters. What the hell are we all here for then? None of our lives mean anything.
Today, I don’t believe in luck. I believe that all things happen for reasons we may or may never understand. Good things and bad things.
I still don’t understand my niece’s death. I may never understand it. What I can do, however, is take the aftermath of her loss, which was anguish, uncertainty, and grief, and choose to focus on what good came from it. Today, I hold my kids a little tighter. I don’t let the little arguments and disagreements effect me as much as they used to. I tell my family I love them every day. I don’t take my time with them for granted. Ever.
Whatever happens in my life, good or bad, I know that as long as I have faith there is some order to all of this, that there is some higher purpose or meaning, even if I never know what that purpose is, I can rest in knowing that I will be okay. My life isn’t resting in the hopes of good luck. Whatever happens in my life, I will be okay.
I'm just a traveler, a dreamer, like you.