While seeing this girl during my meditation, I was filled with love and compassion for her. I realized how fragile she was, and all the while she had tried to be so strong and brave, trying to convince herself that she couldn't feel the pain. My heart broke, and I cried and cried. I wrapped my arms around myself and told that broken teenager that I was so, so sorry. I told her that it's done; no longer will I neglect myself and my needs. No longer will I treat myself or LET myself be treated badly. I told her I will take care of her now. I will no longer settle for 'less than'.
I urge you, if you have never done a healing meditation for your inner child, to set aside some time to do it. It is one of the most cleansing, restorative, loving things you can do for yourself. I talk about how to do this in my new book. If you need additional help with it, contact me. Lots of love, friends!
Here's what to do:
*Remember to dispose of the ashes safely.
Are you holding onto a resentment today that needs to be cleaned up? Do you need to tell someone you're sorry and change your ways? I urge you to do what it takes to keep your conscience clear. After all... "A clear conscience makes the softest pillow." And man, how I love my sleep!
Where are you hurting today? What is the Universe trying to teach you? If you learn the lesson THIS time, there won't have to be a NEXT time.
She didn't have to describe it. I knew exactly what she meant, and she was exactly right. It's this FEELING. The people, the energy. It's the closeness, the relationship to the music and the musicians. Feeling the music inside you, instead of just hearing it. I'll never stop going to concerts. And god-willing, I'll go to more with her. Something happens to people at a concert. Something pure and beautiful and free. For just a couple hours, we all forget our lives "out there". We all come together to celebrate a common love of music. We all let ourselves go. We all just BE.
So I must be open to trusting it again and again, risking the pain again and again, experiencing the ecstasy again and again. And until the time is right and the Universe decides to gift me with another love, I will love myself fiercely and become a woman who would deserve the kind of love I desire.
I'm learning how to stand up for myself and trust myself. I'm learning that I can have a happy life in spite of a less than perfect childhood. Today, I can trust the process of recovery to show me more of how I was affected by my childhood and in what ways it's up to me now to be my own guardian. My parents are not perfect. Just like I'm not perfect. They were hurt in their childhoods too. We are all just trying our best to make it. I'm choosing, with the help of a recovery program and my higher power, to not just survive, but to live a life beyond my wildest dreams.
I'm just a traveler, a dreamer, like you.