The Child Inside

My daughter was recently telling me about the relationship she has with her boyfriend, that she can tell him anything, absolutely anything. She doesn't hold back. She is completely herself. I told her to treasure that. I am 38 years old and have never had that relationship with anyone. There are people that have come close to discovering all of me, but I always hold back something, some secret hidden part of me. Yesterday, I heard a woman talking about how she doesn't hide herself anymore. She lives her life totally transparently. There is a part of me that wants that. I crave that freedom terribly.

However, there is still such a big part that is hidden behind the wall I built around myself years ago. I believe it will be one of my ongoing battles, to slowly chip away at this stupid wall. It has protected me long enough, served its purpose long enough. It's time to be fully me, live transparently, not hold back, let free the hidden child that so desperately wants to come out and play. Of course discernment is important. I believe not everyone has the right to see me at my most vulnerable. Trust needs to be earned first. But I guess therein lies the struggle. Half of me wants to live transparently, while the other half hides behind the wall, evaluating if I can trust. It's a balance. Thanks for letting me get deeply personal here today. Maybe some of you can relate. How have you been able to tear down your walls to live more freely in the world?